9th of March

Do you know what I love about not being able to fall asleep at night no matter how much I try to close my eyes?

Midnight thoughts.

Those random thoughts that just easily eat your brain out, allowing yourself to think of A LOT of random things — about life, about your future, and sometimes about a guy.

Well in my case right now, it’s about a guy. Not just any ordinary guy.

But my dad.

I remember the time when my dad was sipping his favorite coffee one morning. He was busy reading the newspaper about this certain guy who committed suicide because his lover left him for another guy. I was busy with the fried rice and chorizo my grandmother prepared for me when I heard my dad say:

Ayaw jud ipaabot sa point nak nga makalimot nakas imong worth as a person. 

I was in grade school back then, so innocent about boys, about life, and all I had were my dolls. I was always looking forward to the afternoons after class where I can finally play Chinese garter with my classmates. It was a game I believe people in my age were very addicted to back then. I didn’t care about life during those times but what my dad told me really stuck into my head, like it was some sort of a magnet that automatically clicked into my brain and was never pulled back out ever since.

It was something I thought I’d always have to remember.

Time came when Chinese garters and barbie dolls weren’t my thing anymore. I usually spent my afternoons inside my room, scrolling through my cellphone and replying to people’s messages. I was already growing up and was slowly coming out to the real world.

And then there were boys.

I strongly believe of the fact that people come and go. That the people who are coming into your life are there because they serve either as a lesson for you to learn from or a reason for you to change. But eventually, they all leave. Now the question here is, what happens to you after they leave you?

For the many years of having people come and go, I have already reached the point where I don’t care whether I have 10 or 5 friends anymore, for as long as they make me happy then so be it. I have already reached the point in my life where I don’t beg for people to stay anymore.

And that’s when it hits me.

My dad was right, not just about knowing your value on a guy but also because in so many ways, he was right about life.

Always know your worth as a person. Cut off toxic people in your life. You are growing old so as long as it is still an option, always choose happiness over anything else. Be wise enough to make important decisions that will leave you no regrets. And most importantly,

Never beg for someone to stay.

You are better than that.

You are worth it.

Yes, you are.

And I want you to always remember that.


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